Supporting A Loved One Through Mental Illness? 8 Tips To Help

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, roughly 1 in 5 adults in the United States experience mental illness each year. Considering this high statistic, there are many more people out there supporting friends and family members through their journey with mental illness. It can be confusing and you may want to help, but not know how or what to say.

Overall the stigma against mental illness is decreasing, so people are opening up and wanting to talk about their unique experience more often. Every day I am encouraged and inspired by the number of people I see sharing their stories on social media, television, or in person. If you are one of the people out there supporting a loved one with a mental illness, I see you. If you are at all unsure of how to support a loved one, consider some of the tips below.

1. Educate yourself.

It is common to see mental health diagnoses thrown around these days on social media and television, in memes, and in everyday language. However, these diagnoses are often not depicted accurately, which can lead to misconceptions of what the true characteristics of the mental illness are. Do yourself a favor and research the signs and symptoms of certain diagnoses. People walking through mental illness can often act in ways that are confusing and understanding the diagnosis can help to better understand the reasons behind certain actions.

2. Don’t try to fix it.

It is so easy to want to jump up and try to make better whatever your loved one is struggling with. In the counseling world, we call this the “righting reflex,” when people desire to save another person from their suffering. However, sometimes fixing the situation is simply not feasible, or may even make the situation worse. It is difficult to be with a person in pain without suggesting steps to make the situation better, but sometimes just sitting in the thick of it with your loved one is enough. Just being there, even in silence, is enough for them to know that they are not alone.

3. Do NOT say “it could be worse” or “it’s not that bad.”

Please do not minimize their struggle. Responses like these can be so automatic sometimes, but can also be devastating to a person struggling. Responses like these can cause people to further isolate themselves or even experience shame for feeling the way that they do. Even if well intentioned, please be mindful to avoid responses like these.

4. Let them share as much or as little as they want.

Sometimes there is a huge amount of shame that comes with a diagnosis, certain behaviors, or the loss of ability to do what they used to do. Discussing a personal struggle or a painful experience can be challenging and it may come in waves. Try not to push or pry. If you show them that you are there to non-judgmentally listen to their experience, chances are that they will feel safe enough to continue to open up further, but it will be on their time.

5. Be kind, empathetic, and accepting.

These simple characteristics can go a long way in showing a loved one that you are there for them. There are many difficult emotions that come along with a new diagnosis that can result in shame or feeling less than. Kindness and unconditional acceptance can alleviate some of these emotions. Try to minimize distractions in spending time together to show them that you are fully there to support them.

6. Try not to assume anything that they are going through.

Even if you knew someone with a similar experience, went through a similar experience yourself, or read up on the diagnosis, do not assume. No one’s experience is the same; so let your loved one share their unique experience. Ask them what it is like and how they are feeling.

7. Try to engage them in conversation other than their diagnosis.

In the midst of surviving a mental illness, people can often lose sight of the person that they used to be. Trying to engage your loved one in conversation about anything other than their diagnosis can take the focus away from the mental illness, even for a moment. It could be much appreciated.

8. Ask what they need.

At times you may not be sure what they need, and that is okay. Asking a loved one what he or she needs, even if he or she is unable to vocalize it at the time, shows that you are willing to help in whatever way necessary. Maybe it is a ride to an appointment, emotional support, or company. Keep asking too, as needs may change over time.

Lastly, make sure to take care of yourself too. Compassion fatigue is real. Be aware of your own needs and know that supporting a loved one through mental illness is not always easy. Be compassionate towards yourself and seek out a therapist if needed. Remember, you cannot take care of anyone if you have not taken care of yourself, so make yourself a priority as well.

If you or a loved one are experiencing mental illness and need additional support, Jenna Gentry is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Virginia who provides therapy for Flourish Counseling Services. Read more about her practice, the services she provides, her experience, and contact information to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. You deserve healing.